Fun With Spam and Random Internet Searches

One of the things I truly enjoy about WordPress is its spam filtering systems. In previous online platforms where I’d blogged before, spam was an ever-present problem. Too often a rather serious blog was torment by invitations to meet sexy mail order brides from Russia, or an anonymous stranger selling me discount clothing or penis enhancing drugs. As such, the spam that flooded my comments meant me having to waste time deleting them from my precious blogs.

Thanks to Akismet, Out Where the Buses Don’t Run has been protected now from almost 1,000 spam messages. Not a single spam message has been populated into any of the Comments sections of any of the blogs I’ve posted here. Thank you, Akismet, for protecting me from spamalicious badness.

Still, I like to review my Spam folder from time to time. Akismet may once in a while mark someone’s comment as “spam” when it shouldn’t be; it hasn’t happened often, but it does happen every blue moon or so. But the ones Akismet does block are, to be honest, freaking hilarious.

So I thought I’d take a moment to go through some of my favorites in my queue right now and “reply” back to those comments.

Example #1

activer far cry 3 far cry 3 generateur de clés activer far cry 3
downloadfarcry3.com x
darinmcnabb@gmail.com
108.61.95.88
Submitted on 2013/01/09 at 1:34 pm

Definitely believe that which you stated. Your favourite justification seemed
to be on the internet the simplest thing to take into accout of.
I say to you, I definitely get annoyed whilst folks think about
worries that they plainly do not understand about.
You controlled to hit the nail upon the highest and also defined out
the entire thing without having side-effects , folks could take a signal.
Will probably be back to get more. Thank you

Dear Activer Far Cry 3 etc., you’re clearly a career felon with a prison education. 20 years in the slammer gave you plenty of time to read the library’s encyclopedia and brush up on your grammar and language. As such, you seem to be in a real hurry now to demonstrate how good you can speaks now. Thanks for responding to my blog. So what are you in prison for? When are you scheduled to be released? I’d like to know this so I can run as fast as I can from you once you’re out on the streets again.

Example #2

blog
klubatleticomadryt.tumblr.comx
Welzel4@yahoo.co.uk
5.39.96.79
Submitted on 2013/01/09 at 3:04 am

Greetings from Colorado! I’m bored to death at work so I decided to check out your website on my iphone during lunch break. I really like the knowledge you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m shocked at how quick your blog loaded on my cell phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, wonderful site!

Hello, Blog! Greetings from my little corner of the Blogosphere! I’m so glad I was able to save you from yet another boring lunch break. What is it you do for work? Does your employer not provide you with a computer from which you can surf the Internet (and find my blog, for example) and waste valuable company resources? I ask because, as you are no doubt aware, 3G data plans from most cell phone providers can be pretty expensive, and you’ll exhaust your data plan limits pretty quickly just by hanging out in places like WordPress or Tumblr, where it seems your “blog” is coming from. Just looking out for you.

Example #3

Precious Traum
watchseinfeldonline.org x
Spinney5169@gmail.com
74.63.233.247
Submitted on 2013/01/07 at 9:06 am

Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your web site and in accession capital to assert that I acquire in fact enjoyed account your blog posts. Anyway I will be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently rapidly.

Dear Precious Traum, are you serving time with Activer Far Cry 3? Did you borrow the same encyclopedia? Glad to know my tax dollars are educating the felon class…

I kid. I kid. Please don’t kill me.

Example #4

casino spellen
onlinecasino4nl.com/ x
leigh_larose@yahoo.com
91.207.4.157
Submitted on 2013/01/07 at 6:42 am

spellen casino A few months mocking jocularity, Latham whole
piece of turkey twill, 12 anything to fear so long as they walked
in the ways of God. Now she

Borat, is that you?

Example #5

briancharlesgra
wholesaletopjerseys-online.com/ x
briancharlesgra@sina.com
175.44.1.93

Gaza: Clinton works for truce ‘in the days ahead’
Israeli air strikes shook the Gaza Strip and Palestinian rockets struck across the border as U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton held talks in Jerusalem in the early hours of Wednesday, seeking a truce that can hold back Israel’s ground troops.
Hamas, the Islamist movement air max shoescontrolling Gaza, and Egypt, whose new, Islamist government is trying to broker a truce, had floated hopes for a ceasefire by late Tuesday; but by the time Clinton met Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu it was clear there would be more argument, and more violence, first.

Hamas leaders in Cairo accused the Jewish state of failing to respond to proposals and said an announcement on holding fire would not come before daylight on Wednesday. Israel Radio quoted an Israeli official saying a truce was held up due to “a last-minute delay in the understandings between Hamas and Israel”.

Who is Hamas? 5 questions about the Palestinian militant group.

An initial halt to attacks may, however, not see the sides stand their forces down from battle stations immediately; Clinton, who flies to Cairo to see Egyptian President Mohamed Mursi later on Wednesday, spoke of a deal “in the days ahead”.

As she arrived in Israel after nightfall, Israel was stepping up its bombardment. Artillery shells and missiles fired from naval gunboats offshore slammed into the territory and air strikes came at a frequency of about one every 10 minutes.

Listen up, Brian: I don’t do political blogs anymore. Take this shit to Open Salon. They’ll eat this crap up easily there. Leave the politics out of my blog, pretty please.

Example #6

hot penny stock
pennydreamers.com/ x
trista-walden@live.com
88.80.20.162
Submitted on 2012/12/27 at 8:52 am

Hi! Do you know if they make any plugins to protect against hackers?

I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on.
Any suggestions?

Yes, it’s called Not Being on the Internet.

Also, your name confuses me. Is your name Penny Stock, and you’re hot, or are you some generic site peddling penny stocks that are so hot right now that if I invest $10, I’ll make $11.25 before nightfall? Clarify this for me, won’t you?

 

And, finally, when checking my stats, I like to see what kind of searches lead someone to find my blog. The search string I highlighted below left me with a massive case of “what the fuck?” Because I had no idea the great tenor harbored such hate like this…

Search Views
where the buses don’t run saying 2
man of steel flying png 1
pavarotti hates jehovah’s witnesses 1
how do i write out my 2013 goals 1
Other search terms 1
Unknown search terms 1
Total search terms 6

10 thoughts on “Fun With Spam and Random Internet Searches

  1. I laughed and laughed. I mean, what is the point of spam if not hilarity? The first spammer was actually just trying to get a chuckle and turned into an annoyance. So, right on. (I need to go check my own spam now!). But what I really loved are your answers!!! You should totally be a spammer. You’d rock!

  2. Glad you laughed. I laughed out loud reading a few of these spam messages in my folder, thinking, “Who on Earth comes up with this garbage?”

    You’re right: if this writing thing never takes off, I’ve got a nice career as a spammer ahead of me.

  3. Pingback: Milestones Reached, and More Fun With Spam! | Out Where the Buses Don't Run

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